Blood Of the Maple

ED: Have you secured the holy trinity, Satan?

GEORGE: Ready and loaded. I even nailed two slices of French toast to the doorpost so the snow, ice, and freezing rain will pass over me.

ED: I’m glad we have our milk, bread, and eggs, too. Jen and Leslie are safe; we all are. Just don’t forget the syrup. It’s the critical element.

GEORGE: Syrup?

ED: Of course. The storm will only pass over us if we smear the blood of the maple on the French toast and door.

(GEORGE runs to the cabinet and opens the cabinet door and takes out the maple syrup. He marches proudly around waving the bottle.)

GEORGE: Hal-le-fucking-lujah. I do have the blood of the maple. I am saved!

ED: It’s a good thing I reminded you. You could’ve been buried under two inches of snow. Though you would’ve been comforted by the French toast.

GEORGE: On the way home from the gym, as sparse flakes were a flutterin’ around, I noticed that the Super Fresh and Shop Rite were fucking packed with people getting milk, bread, and eggs because we may get a few inches of snow followed by freezing rain. Won’t be able to leave home for days, but we got our French toast and syrup! We will live!

ED: I’m far too tense for such a life and death mission. Luckily, Jen dealt with the insanity this afternoon…even though the snow ain’t due for another nine hours, at 1:30 the registers were already six people deep. Yeah, Collegeville is a people capital; yeah, it’s Friday; lots of people do shop on Fridays, usually we’re amongst them...but every fucking winter, every threat of a storm, the clueless masses stock up on the staples…I saw a woman on the news with five gallons of milk! Five fucking gallons?

GEORGE: I have always said it is a racket between the supermarkets and the accu-guess stations: milk the ratings and move product during the retail blight of January, February, and early March!

ED: Who knew the important of French toast! You never see it on the pyramid of nutrition.

GEORGE: Constantine and the Counsel cut that from the Bible…people couldn’t handle the truth.

ED: You seem to be in true Satan mode.

GEORGE: Yes, my humble narrator…the moloko plus horrorshow is just kicking in! But I gotta run Henry...See ya...remember the Holy Trinity…more snow is on the way.